Harry Potter and the Book of Superlatives

By: Anonymous Sea Sponge

In case you couldn’t tell from the title… this blog is gonna be about my oh so unoriginal holiday season binge- just under 20 hrs of me and some wizards tryna survive and thrive. Now before you get too excited (or potentially scared?) please note that I am in no way, shape, or form a true “Potterhead.” I’m like 90% sure I read all the books as a kid but honestly I really don’t remember them. So instead of trying to get my lazy ass to open not just one book but seven (yeesh) I just got cozy and began the binge. My obviously weak commitment aside, I do take a lot of harry potter buzzfeed quizzes so I can say with absolute certainty that I am a Hufflepuff. (If you knew me it would fit) Anyways, given how complicated the whole storyline is with the whole horcruxes thing and weird death stuff, I decided to keep this super simple and do a nice old school superlative list. Major high school throwback. Please enjoy 😊

Cutest couple that was: Luna and Neville. Step aside Ron and Hermione. Now THAT is some seriously perfect matchmaking. 
Cutest couple that wasn’t but should’ve been: Harry and Cedric . I know people ship Draco and Harry but like c’mon the chemistry with Cedric is unreal… 
Best person to be stuck on a deserted island with: Dobby . Most devoted friend and has elf magic? Yes please! 
Most likely to become a travel blogger: Dumbledore. Someone get this man a bucket hat and a Hawaiian shirt!
Best celebrity look-alike: Hermione. I swear she looks just like Emma Watson!
Most likely to become a motivational speaker: Ron. Mans had some seriously low self-esteem before he bloomed…
Most likely to not be named: You-Know-Who. Hehe. Ok but real talk his whole Tom Marvolo Riddle spells Voldemort thing is so third grade.
Most well-rounded: Snape. Snape has a seriously stacked resume. Not only was he potions teacher, defense against the dark arts teacher, and headmaster…but he also was a death eater and in the order of the phoenix like yo props.
Beauty and Brains: Prof McGonagall. This feels pretty self explanatory but she is my hero. Brilliant, witty, and a highkey badass I’m obsessed.
Most likely to never age: Ginny. Ok that epilogue scene was ridiculous. They literally gave her a wig and was like ok yup you’re a mom now.
Most liked by parents: Dudley. Ouch. No childhood trauma to see here…
Best hair: Sirius Black. This was honestly a toss up with Bellatrix but I feel like he uses the right conditioner.
Worst Snogger: Harry. Omg every single time…it was just so cringe…be better Daniel
Most likely to become President: Dolores Umbridge. You know how much we love the power-hungry crazies <3
Most supportive friend: Luna Lovegood. Where do I even begin…She is so selfless and will literally always be there for you no matter what judgment free.
Most likely to succeed: Rita Skeeter. Sadly you don’t need to tell the truth to rake in the big bucks rip.
Most likely to become a professional model: Dean Thomas. I know some people say Neville had a glow up but Oh. My. God.
Most likely to stay in hometown: Filch. This poor guy could be satisfied taking care of Hogwarts with all its insanity for the rest of his sad life…
Biggest Flirt: Gilderoy Lockhart. Ugh what a piece of trash. Killer smile though I must admit.
Most likely to find himself in college: Draco. I really want Draco to break free of his toxic family. This man would become such a great guy in college.
Most likely to become Instagram famous: Hagrid. Someone please get this guy a go pro. Like baby dragons and hippogriffs would totally get him those 100k followers.

And that’s a wrap! Back to boring muggle life…

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